The REAL Mary Sue
by Elodie the Scribe
Summary: A parody of all those stories where a girl is sent into Middle-earth along with a Mary Sue. Very OC, somewhat rant-y.


**Hey, hi! This is more or less the history behind this story...  
Okay. Now I've read plenty of stories where a normal teenage girl lands in Middle-earth or some other place along with a Mary Sue. Now, some of these are good, admittedly. The normal girl is usually funny and endearing, while the Mary Sue is snobby and obnoxious, and these stories point out what makes Mary Sues so easy to hate.  
But other stories...you can tell that it's just the author trying to make themselves look good next to a mean, annoying character. So, to make a few points, I made this little ditty...  
And no, of course, I don't own LOTR.**

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**The REAL Mary Sue**

Abby Morisson was a totally normal, everyday girl. She went to high school, she drooled over Leonardo DeCaprio, and she had the most obnoxious little sister. She also had read all three _Lord of the Rings_ books, as well as _The Hobbit_. Of course she never saw the movies, because she knew that only braindead blondes enjoyed them. 1

One day, Abby was walking home from school. She was whistling a merry tune to herself, minding her own business, when out of nowhere, a magical portal appeared in front of her. Before she could get away, it sucked her in and dropped her right in the middle of, whaddya know, Middle-earth.

"Oh, WOW, what a LOVELY place!" she exclaimed joyfully. "Like, I totally appreciate this land's beauty and stuff!" 2

That was when a second voice joined in, raspy and weak. "Oh god--where am I?"

Abby turned to see a gorgeous young woman pulling herself from a bush nearby. She had long, shining golden hair and enormous blue eyes that gave her a doe-like look. When the stranger looked up at her, Abby knew immediately what she was. "Ew, you're a Mary Sue!"

"W-what?" the girl stammered. "No, I'm not Mary Sue. My name's Robin. Who are you?"

"You HAVE to be a Mary Sue," Abby insisted, ignoring Robin's question and the fact that she was swaying a little. "I mean, you're all pretty and stuff, and you have a pretty name. What else could you possibly be?" 3

"I don't know, a lost girl?!" Robin snapped, angry and frightened. "Wait, did you say...Middle-earth?"

That was the moment a group of men on horseback appeared. The sight of them made Robin cringe, but Abby jumped up and began waving her arms around. "Hey! HEY! Over here!"

The leader of the horsemen was in fact Legolas, the handsome Elf prince. He gave Abby a confused look. "What are you doing out here in the forest, young one? You must come to my castle where it is warm and safe at once." 4

"Who are you?" Robin asked, panicked upon realizing that the Elf looked incredibly familiar.

When he replied, his answer made her faint. The last thing she heard was Abby's voice: "Like, hi! I'm Abby. You might wanna stay away from the Mary Sue, she'll try and boink you the first minute she gets!"

While Robin was blacked out, the Elves crooned over Abby. "Poor child, all alone in the wilderness with this witch," said one.

"Look at her," another shuddered. "She is so lovely. We know she must be evil, from what this child says." 5

"Don't leave her here, though," Abby said compassionately. "For although she is a nuisance, we cannot leave her to die."

"And such a kind heart, too!" Legolas gasped. 6

Robin did not wake for another day. During that time, Legolas and Abby became close friends. When she did awake, she found the Elves were scared of her. This left her confused. "What did that kid call me--a...Mary Sue?" she wondered. "What's a Mary Sue? And how can I possibly be one?"

During their stay at Legolas's castle, the way Robin and Abby were treated differed greatly. Robin was treated like a pit bull that would bite if you strayed too close, yet Abby was treated like Legolas's little sister. She often played pranks on Robin--dying her hair odd colors, spilling stuff on her, making snarky comments about her at dinner. These things usually happened when Robin got too close to a male Elf. It was almost as if Abby was trying to punish her for sexual harassment. It wasn't until Robin collasped in the hall, crying, one day that she finally found a friend.

A gentle hand touched her shoulder. "Are you all right, young one?"

She looked up to see a concerned face, something she hadn't seen in a long time. It was a tall male Elf with an intricate circlet on his head.

"I'm--I...no, I'm not," she whispered. "I'm being treated like I'm a monster and I don't know why."

"You are?"

"But the little girl that's with me is like a princess or something. I hate her," Robin hissed, angrily imagining Abby's jeering, laughing face in her mind.

The Elf stood, face serious. "Come with me."

Startled, Robin obeyed. She followed him into the dining hall, where the Elves and Abby were having dinner. Abby was sitting directly beside Legolas and had been telling him a joke when they came in. The Elves shifted nervously in Robin's presence, although Abby rolled her eyes and gave her a look that meant she was clearly waiting for her to do something wrong.

The tall Elf's voice rang out. "Legolas!"

The handsome Elf got up and walked over to the stranger, bowing. "Yes, Father?"

Robin's jaw dropped. The Elf beside her was the _king_?

"This girl tells me she has been unfairly treated," Thranduil boomed. "Why is this so?"

Abby jumped up. "Cause she's a Mary Sue and she's trying to boink everyone!"

From the looks on the Elves' faces, it was apparant Abby had told them all what "boink" meant.

"I did not ask you, little child," Thranduil said sternly, and Robin felt a prick of satisfaction at the surprised look on the girl's face.

"But it is true. Lady Abby says a Mary Sye is a kind of witch who's goal is to seduce us," Legolas explained. "It was only because of Abby's wonderful kindness that we allowed her life."

"What kindess? You prank me everyday," Robin broke in, looking at Abby.

"My son...I am ashamed of you. You would a trust a child's words over an adult's? You would treat a woman like filth merely because a child does not like her? And how do you know she is a witch?"

"Well," Legolas replied awkwardly, "Abby told me that she had the obvious signs--she was beautiful, and she had a lovely name."

"That's all?" Thranduil blinked, thrown for a bit. "That's how you recognize a witch--by her appearance, rather than her behavior?"

"I...er..."

"That is all I needed to know. My son, from now on, you are to treat Lady Robin with the respect she deserves. And Abby...Abby will be treated like the child she is."

As soon as he said those words, the same magic portal that had taken Abby to Middle-earth suddenly appeared. Both Robin and Abby cried out as they were sucked in. Robin was dropped in her apartment in Boston, and Abby was slammed into the open dumpster outside her house.

Just goes to show you...the girl called the Mary Sue isn't actually THE Mary Sue...

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1: Okay. JUST because a girl has only seen the LOTR movies doesn't mean she's a dumb, ignorant airhead who's always drooling over the hot male leads.

2: The "normal girl" nearly always is in awe of the land, so that the author can show how wonderful she is.

3: Don't judge a book by its cover OR its title.

4: Legolas is so OC in these stories.

5: Isn't it odd that the characters would rather listen to a little kid rather than a grown woman?

6: Again--author showing off her character.

I bet you can also see my other points in this story. It's just so annoying to see these stories, the bad ones anyway...hope you guys enjoyed it!


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